How to Make an Emotionally Unavailable Man Fall in Love

Is the man of your dreams too emotionally distant to even spare you a second glance? Here’s how to make him fall in love with you.

After a year of playing mind games, you couldn’t contain your emotions any longer, so you decided to reveal your feelings to your prince charming. You expected a grand gesture after the grand revelation because, all along, you thought, “He’s just too shy to make the first move.” But then… he leaned in close to you and kissed your forehead. Your forehead!

He stammered, but managed to say that even though he likes you a lot, he isn’t ready for a relationship yet, because he’s still dealing with an ugly breakup, he wants to focus on his career, or he wants to figure out ways to achieve world peace. He said you should take things slow and just enjoy each other’s company first.

What do you do?

a. Make him fall in love with you to speed things up.

b. Wait for him to become ready.

c. Run away.

Since you’re reading this feature, my guess is that your choice is A. I am not going to raise an eyebrow, because there are actually many relationships that start this way. Every case is different, and if you believe in the man you’re dating, you shouldn’t feel bad about your decision.

But before embarking on your quest to woo your emotionally unavailable guy, make sure you’re willing to invest in something that could potentially lead to nothing. If you’re hearing a loud “Bring it on!” in your head right now, get ready to rumble. Here are some sneaky ways to make your emotionally unavailable guy fall head over heels in love with you and become emotionally open to you.

Phase I: after the confession

This phase usually starts the moment after you had “the talk” or the moment you realized you wanted to take matters into your own hands. You are still a “cool girl” with the patience of a mother teaching a 2-year-old how to use the potty.

#1 Be his friend. What if the “excuse” he gave you for not being able to commit is not really an excuse? What if he’s really going through a tough time? Failing grades, suspension from work, or the death of a family member? If any of these things happened to you, for sure, you’d also be too preoccupied to think about starting a relationship.

If you really care for this guy, then be his friend. Be there when he needs someone to talk to, or give him a box of his favorite cookies when he’s cramming for his presentation. This will give him a glimpse of who you are as a person and what you are like in a relationship. If he’s going through something very serious, do your best to avoid putting pressure on your non-relationship.

#2 Don’t chase him. Let him chase you, instead. As outdated as it may sound, men still love the chase. If you’ve been too available to his invitations–or worse, if you’re the one who’s always initiating them–slow down. You don’t want to be the eager beaver in a relationship. Trust me: being the one who’s always chasing will wear you down and make you feel less attractive.

Since you already know that he wants to take things slow, and you decided that you’re okay with it, wait for him to initiate things, whether it’s a date, chat, e-mail, or text. It’s hard, I know. Are you scared that if you stop communicating, he’ll totally forget you? If you’re still in Phase I, chances are he will get curious as to why you stopped texting him, and this will make you more attractive to him. Follow his pace no matter how slow it is. In fact, make your pace slower. 

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