#2 Don’t dredge up the past if you can help it. Although the guilty party should rightfully feel horrible about what happened, you need to understand that piling on the guilt is not going to help save your marriage. It will put it on the fast track to doomsday.
Tell your spouse, “I can’t promise you that I will never bring this up again. I am only human. However, I can promise you that I will try my best.” Be sincere in your promise and make an effort to bite your tongue every time you want to bring up the incident and lash out at your spouse. Get it all out of your system before making the decision to move on as a team.
Whether you hash it out between the two of you or engage the help of a mediator such as a marriage counselor or a friend, talk about what happened as much as you want to at first, but get it all out of your system and never bring it all up again. Get as much closure as you need and close the case once you do.
#3 Do make an effort. Getting over a heartbreaking incident like finding out your spouse had an affair is not easy. Sure, it may be simple to walk away, but many choose to stay for multiple reasons that include kids, financial strains, or simply because they love their spouse and want to give it another try.
No matter your reasons for staying, you have to realize that it’s going to take effort, especially on your part. You may not have done the straying, but you still have to put in the effort to make the marriage work. Whether it is simply being civil to your spouse on a bad day, or making the conscious effort not to burn all his clothes, plenty of effort has to come into play if you want to stay married.
You probably think that your cheating spouse doesn’t deserve the respect that you are offering to them, but you have to be the bigger person in this awful scenario. You may not like hearing this, but they already feel bad enough as it is. There is no need to keep harping on the mistakes that they made, because sooner or later, they won’t be able to take it anymore, and may just end up being the one walking away.